Itookthispictureofmysinkafewdaysago.AndIdon’tknowwhythespacebaronmylaptopsuddentlydoesn’twork. Ah, now it does. OK. What do you see? A sink with a few not-so-dirty dishes and a small, rectangular white board with a short shopping list written in red dry erase pen. I remember I couldn’t properly erase some of the text so I thought I might try soap and water. Then either some other more pressing domestic task distracted me or I threw it into the sink in disgust. The disgust directed at myself and my tendency to channel my perfectionism and attention to detail into the never-ending task of keeping my home clean and tidy. Though this is a worthy enterprise, it is not the worthiest of me. I’m pretty sure I often use household chores as a procrastination technique for not dedicating myself more fully to my true calling. And what is that, you might ask? Well, I might ask that myself and then fail to answer very succinctly. I definitgely have more than one calling, I am a multidimensional human being, after all. But one of my callings is definitely art-making (Writing, sound production, music, visual art, performance). And instead of working more regularly and deeply on these activities, I scrub the grocery shopping lists of my fridge whiteboards and vigorously brush and gather the endless cat hairs off my living room rug.
And why is that? Is it masochism? Is it pleasure-delaying? Is it fear of failure, fear of success?
It is all of the above.
Be right back, I drank too much coffee this morning and need to pee.
